You're being very Un-Dude (or, Final Thoughts on Thailand)

In the middle of my last day volunteering at the school, the students and I were mid-Michael Jackson dance off, falling over ourselves laughing at it all- and I stopped to ask them if they were happy. Chuwanna doesn't translate everything I say to them, so a lot of times we lose things in translation to each other; but she caught that question and I heard her pose it to the students in Thai. They answered back with a rousing (and laughing) "YEAH!!!" Of course they were having fun- they're Thai!

Thinking about it later, I realized that the greatest gifts of my trip were the tiny moments that I thought to myself, "I'm so happy right now." Actually, I said it out loud a lot. (And usually, it was in regards to food being put in front of me, but I digress.) The actual act of verbalizing my happiness daily- and not in a "fake it 'till you make it" sort of way, but because there genuinely were things to be happy about- was a life-changing principle that I've been questing after for almost a year.

It's called MINDFULNESS, and I can't believe I had to go all the way to Thailand to experience and achieve it, but, I did. And in the most poetic touch, I didn't realize I had even dipped into it until the plane ride home. The exact moment involved a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich, in fact.

I don't handle long plane rides well, so I always pack plenty of things that will make me happy: enter said sandwich. I woke up out of one of my usual hour-long naps and decided the time had come to enjoy that delicious concoction, so I unwrapped it and started chewing. And as I chewed, I became aware of several facts. The first was that my mouth was insanely dry- despite drinking a lot of water. I was also incredibly hot, which was starting to make me uncomfortable.

The problem is, once you've started The List, it's extremely easy for it to grow. And you all know what List I am talking about- The List of Things That Are Wrong In Your Life At This Precise Moment.

Now, I am not usually a maker of this List, but we're all human, and have the ability to slip into it. I count myself lucky to be a natural optimist, and I don't really allow a lot of room in my life for negativity or negative people. I intrinsically don't know what to do with the chronic "List-ers"; making running tallies of the way the universe has wronged you at that moment is kind of....well....bullshit to me. One of the greatest quotes I heard this past year is, "I don't have to co-sign your bullshit." I love it. And this is where I use it. You can list the negativity away all you want, but I don't have to take any of it on. And the amount of time I have to spend listening to it is also minimal. :)

Another great quote I adore is "Small minds discuss people, Average minds discuss events, Great minds discuss ideas." I find that, if one can keep conversations to ideas, one can keep themselves out of the negative aspects that come much more easily with the first and second topics.

But yin cannot exist without yang, and we need the negativity to recognize the positivity, so I draw you back to the dry mouth, the warm plane ride, and my Nutella sandwich.

It dawned on me, clear as day, that I had the choice to pay attention to the dry mouth and warm body temperature, or I could pay attention to the peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. And hello- I HAD that sandwich! Which is a heck of a lot better than NOT having that sandwich! Those two slices of bread, the peanut butter, and the hazelnut between was suddenly the only thing I needed in the world. The enjoyment I was getting from the sandwich far, FAR outweighed the dry mouth and heat! And at that moment, I realized exactly what I was practicing.

Mindfulness.

And in a rush, my entire experience in Thailand came flooding back to me. Being happy in Chuwanna's classroom that last day, and hearing that the children were happy too. The iced coffees and blueberry cheesecakes Chuwanna would treat us to- and the words, "I am so happy right now" coming out of my mouth at first bite. Swimming in the turquoise blue waters off Raileh with Eve, staring up at limestone cliffs and completely disbelieving how far from home I was, and saying, "I am so happy right now." Doing The 100 in morning pilates at dawn and staring up at the star-filled sky, and knowing that even The 100 was enjoyable when you had a sky like that to gaze up at. Riding a tuk-tuk back to homebase just as the sun was rising, having come from giving alms to the monks at daybreak and receiving their blessing while kneeling in the street in Bangkok. And again, saying, "I am SO happy right now!!"

I'm not sure if it's due to their Buddhism, or their general Thai-ness, but the people of Thailand seem to have a fairly good grasp on this concept. They don't fly off the handle in anger or in excitement, either. They have a saying that goes, "Jai yen yen"- a literal translation to "Cool your heart." It isn't acceptable to be seen in extreme emotion, and jai yen yen is a way of telling someone to cool off before they make a fool of themselves. Essentially another way of saying, "You're being very Un-Dude."

I asked the dear neighbor to the homebase, Su (about whom another blog entry should be written), what that meant for falling in love or grieving loss. Was it okay to show emotion then? Her answer was that yes, it was proper to be happy or sad, but also, to let it go. When she fell in love with her husband, she knew to let the happiness go and turn it over. And when she buried him years later, she knew to let the sadness go and turn it over. Jai yen yen.

I had discovered that the secret to happiness laid in keeping a cool heart and looking for the positives in that very MOMENT- I don't need to make a long list of positives to counteract a long list of negatives. I need to look at what is EXACTLY in front of me, and enjoy the smallest, most seemingly insignificant parts of it- but the ones that are causing me pure joy.

It's the most wide-open secret in the world- splashed across hundreds of books, hidden in plain daylight- and you can read it over and over again, but until you experience it in this SIMPLEST FORM, you don't understand it.

So I invite you to try an exercise in this- in mindfulness, gratitude, and ultimately, happiness. Concentrate "not so much on what needs to be changed in the world", but rather, on what is perfect at this exact moment.

It can be as simple as a peanut butter and nutella sandwich.

XO and Kob Khun Ka for reading,
Di


"If I’m anything by a clinical name, I’m a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy."
-J.D. Salinger, "Raise High The Roof Beam, Carpenters"